‎The only thing I'm going to miss about Philadelphia, is you.

I'll write about my summer when I'm ready to write about my summer. which, I think will be best in the winter.

There is a lot going on in my life. A lot that I won't write about here. Which is ironic, as the whole point of this blog is to tell strangers my secrets. Oh well.


Its easy to give up. It is very easy to get mad, get revenge, and then cut whatever hurt you out of your life. Its human nature. When have I done something the easy way?

I'm not sure what is going to happen. I'm not sure what I want to happen. I'm just sure that, in sixty years when I'm on my death bed, I will be happy. Damn happy.

I'm gonna talk about how well school is going now.

The first week has been rad. Lots of friends, new and old. Filling up the time that I should have been doing homework, but its alright. I'm looking forward to this semester for a lot of things. Its the end of something old, and the start of a new life essentially. I'm probably gonna move out at the beginning of the year, or school year (depending on what happens), and it will all just be a new experience. Something that I'm glad I won't have to go through alone, and I will get to share with the people around me that love me.


Its gonna be a good year.

Also, to a lady.

"The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you, and that you are standing in the doorway"

I went through a few folks facebook pages (Through the past couple of years, which takes forever), and I went through mine. Its funny how lives interplay and cross each other. Sometimes sticking, sometimes not. All thanks to a social networking website. Its a long story, and I will talk about in person.

Going to Georgia.
Wesley

P.s. Its strange when you go to yell at someone and you don't. You go, but you don't yell. I think that's being mature.

Summer is Done

I'll make a longer post, with a lot more detail--however, in order to keep up with those out of the loop of my life.

Summer is over.

I had a lot of fun, but its done.

However, this school year is shaping up to be amazing. I've so many friends that I forgot were there, and so much to do. I'm so lucky.

Again, I'll have some details about the summer, and explaining some of the things going on in my life now.

Carry on,
Wesley

Summer fun

Summer is winding down into the abyss that is fall. I love fall, don't get me wrong, its just that all the loose ends of summer are finally tying together for goodbyes and all of that. I like fall, its one of the three months that I particularly like, but I just don't like to see people go away. I'm excited to meet some folks at school, just not to see my lady go two hours away.

I am very much excited for the pile up though. FBLC should be representing strongly.

The Chowder Choppers will start heavy next year, as Chris mcghee is getting his ass home to NAPTOWN.

I'll make a post about the summer in review tomorrow or friday.

Good morning,
Wesley

I'm sorry I'm a failure.

Yesterday, I decided to go to my school and get my parking tag, and check out my financial status.

It turns out I'm retarded. I'm short around a grand for this and next semester, plus books.

I called my dad, and long story short, got into a little argument, then eventually scraped together the coin, and I proceeded to cry like a little bitch.

I wasn't nervous or scared about the money. I wasn't scared that my father would be mad. I didn't care about any of that.

I cried like a bitch, because I knew I let my father, and the rest of my family down. I let myself down.

I don't deserve what I get, in respect to how I treat others sometimes.

People do more for me, then I do for them--thus, I am a failure as a son, and a friend a lot of the times.

Sorry,
Wesley

P.s. Fuck the government's approach to financial aid. Seriously, fuck that noise. Just because my parents made a little too much money (last year), doesn't exactly mean that we're able to keep my ass in school. Fuck this shit, I'm gonna find some scholarships or sell a fucking kidney.

P.p.s. I'm still buying max schaaf vans. fuck.

In our Space Hero Suits (2008) - Those dancing days

If you don't like feel good/sad pop music, then don't read this--no. Don't read my blog.

If you do, go buy this record and support this band.



I recently found out about this band, thanks to Youtube searching, and have been floored by the quality of everything. They're an all girl band, and that doesn't really make a difference, because unlike groups like the vivian girls, they're all excellent musicians. I'm not knocking the vivian girls, I'm a fan, but these folks are an all girl Bloc Party, only with sunshine and great music coming from their instruments.


I could break this album down, song by song, but that would be pointless. Not because all of the songs run together, but because they're simply all-fucking-good. Every last one. They are each their own entity, but each perfect.

Seriously. please listen?



Later,
Wesley

First you look so strong, then you fade away.

The sun will blind my eyes, but I'll love you anyway.

So its four in the morning, and I've finally finished reading Perks. A book, that despite it's non-existent length, has taken me five months to finish. I read zen in just about a week. People change.

I should start this by saying that I really hope no one reads this. This being my post, not the book. If you're anything like me, I suggest you read it. Its weird. An Amazon review said that this book was essentially an extreme of characters, saying that none of this is plausible. I don't agree. I just think its how Charlie recorded what he saw, and extremes grow from normalcy. Cliques work in a special way, that they don't breed friendship, they either breed contempt or kinship.

I digress.

I really don't know what to say. Charlie was molested and became a psychologically repressed turtle. I don't think it is fair to cut down anything that Charlie felt to event. I don't think its fair to cut him down as a character really. That is, because there is a little Charlie in all of us.

It makes the time he spent with Mary Elizabeth make a lot less sense, considering what happened with Sam. Though, maybe it was love that maybe the truth about his existence actually surface in his brain. He really did love is Aunt, though he didn't really understand what she did to him, and it was her fault, but it wasn't. As Vonnegut said, "I was a victim of a series of accidents as are we all"

I think that the strength in Charlie was also his major flaw, he needed to support others to feel love. I think that is the result of molestation. Then again, I'm not a psychotherapist.


Here is the part that I relate myself to Charlie, in a masturbatory way, so if you want to see my ego get stroked in a manic-depressive fashion, read on, if not, skip this. Comma splices are a tool too.


I made this blog before I read perks. Though, in essence, it served a lot of the same purpose. It shared my life with strangers, because it was something that felt right. It was something that I had to do. I don't care what happened, I shared it. I was sad. I was happy. I was heartbroken. I saw my life slip through my fingers, to catch it again. I shared my highs and lows. Mostly my lows, because lets be honest, why would you want to read about anyone be happy, if you hadn't read about them being sad. These posts are my letters. You are my anonymous reader, even if you aren't that anonymous sometimes.

There will always be something worse. Something better, but something worse.

I've had my fair share of "Sams and Patricks," and I think that everyone does. Introverts especially, they like to cling to a small clique of extremely tight and loyal friends.

I used to compare myself to a Holden Caulfield, which is still fair. I really think it was fair anyway. I was brash. I didn't give the slightest glimpse of a fuck. Apathy reigns supreme in a time of ambition.

I don't think a lot of this will make sense to anyone that either doesn't know me, or doesn't understand where I'm at in my life. Or frankly anyone for that matter, I'm tired and I'm rambling.

Why in the fucking world wouldn't I write about turning 20, instead of a silly book. I'm 20 years old.

If you want to talk with me about the book, I really want to talk with you.

I could easily quote the best line of the book here.
Wesley

Today

Today was in and of itself a good day. I didn't feel well for any of it, but in hindsight it was good.

I'm really really tired of a lot of things, and right now these pain meds are one of them. I think its getting to the point that I can stop using them soon, and I will. I just do not feel right on these pain killers. Believe it or not, I like to feel something, even if its pain.

Oh well, I had planned to buy my mom and the girl that writes this some frozen yogurt. Well, after getting in a fight before even leaving my house with my mom about something that wasn't very important, the day was about to take a tumble.

Long story short, she bought her own frozen dessert, leaving my special someone and I to ourselves. We went to the IMA, it rained. We talked about some stuff, and we didn't talk about some stuff. Before it rained we got to snap some neat pictures. During the rain we got to hold each other under an umbrella and talk. It was fun.

Then, we got a pizza, and I ate some. I'm actually pretty proficient at chewing with my front teeth now. I really wanted it.

Oh well, I just can't wait to get off of these pills so I can actually be myself again. It might even be worth dealing with the pain of what feels like someone punching me in the face.

we shall see,
Wesley

On a side note, I'm actually looking forward to something to do with the bible, not once but twice. Though I may not be a person of religion or anything of that sort, it does not mean that I can't listen and grow, and support. Really excited

Turning in my Drug-Dry Sleep.

I'm high as balls. Have been. I'm not a fan of this feeling. The pain meds I'm on are not giving me a fair perspective of the world, a twisted frame if you will. Not so much a new perspective, just a twisted one--an abstract one. I feel distant.

Regardless, they make me sleep so well.

I'm going back to sleep again.

"I'll see you when the sun sets east, don't forget me."
Wesley

Loaded

Like a pistol, rushing through my veins is something strange--baby, I'm loaded. Junk is up, smack is down.

July--So fly

Well, July has been good. I've been hanging around my lady a bunch, played poker, saw a massive tree house, and have just been having fun.

About three hours ago I got my teeth cut out. Wisdom teeth suck, but calling people high off my ass is a lot of fun. I love the friends I have with all of my heart, and just want to thank you all for not only being there for me, but just being great fucking people. Thank you.

Also, autocorrect sucks.

I'll get back to sleep,
Wesley

Spin Spin Spin

Its the end of June, that means July is next. I've got surgery in about five days, and its gonna be an experience! Regardless (irregardless for those who read my blog), it also means my birthday is coming up! So, my girlfriend, got me a really neat gift. She got me Raven in the Grave by the Ravonettes on vinyl! I did a review of this album a while ago, and its not really fair to compare the two. The vinyl version suits the record a lot more than the digital version that I've listened to. Its a dark record, and the open aspect of a vinyl record gives the music room to breath. (P.s. Thanks Erin!)

I've made plans to go to Texas next year for the Lonestar Round up, with a few very great friends, it should be an event. Dad and I might go to Salinas Kansas for the KKOA Leadsled Spectacular , which might be insane, I won't take my car if we go (but I really want to). I'm also gonna start tearing into my car, now that the weather is suitable for motorbiking. The car gets a transmission ordered very soon, so as soon as I do that, out comes the old, in goes the new. Should be interesting to have a car that I can take any where in the US, and not give the engine a thrashing.

July 15, Clerks will be playing at the IMA, and the plan is that I, and the lady who makes my heart swoon, will be in attendance! I'm stoked for that, it should be a good time. Watching a film on an outdoor screen, one of my favorite films--a movie that takes a while to really appreciate.

It has been the best summer of my life. Thank you,
Wesley

It starts with you...

On a mattress in your parents old room.


There is a pattern to which I listen to music. Its a mirror to how I feel. A mirror, not in the sense of a reflection, but a reverse. If that makes sense.

Now I'm listening to a lot of down tempo sad songs, such as Gemini (birthday song), because I'm stoked.

Anyway I'm going to bed

'Night,
Wesley

I am Jack's tired eyes

I wanna watch fight club again. I need to shave. I need to buy some oil, and distilled water for my car. I'm tired. I've worked a ton recently, 40 hour weeks get old after a while. I'm gonna go run errands, nap, then do it all over again tomorrow.

Oh well, I'm broke, so the money will be good. I realized that even though I'll get to spend July 4th with the most bad ass lass ever, I won't be able to consume anything. Fudge.

So it goes,
Wesley

You can read about it when we're gone.

I've been cleaning my room, as in, throwing shit from my childhood away. I'm growing up, and that is why I've been stockpiling things that aren't worth anything, other than memories. Except now, I dunno. I've captured all that I want to of my childhood, and finally accepted the fact that I'm not a kid anymore. I mean, I am a kid, in the sense that I'm a minor and still lust for life, but I'm not the kid I was ten years ago.

There are some things that I sort of hid from myself, that I'm now more proud of than ever. I used to think that the whole custom car thing was really lame. I mean, I loved it and really dug it, but it was passe. Why embrace something that A. no one will ever understand and B. that never really existed in the first place.

I was a smart kid.

Well, I found a framed picture of Bob Hirohota's 1951 Mercury, that as far as I know, I've had it since birth (I think my dad had them before hand, and just gave them to me at one point, regardless, its before I can remember, I've always had them). As it turns out, something that I hid in my room, I would jump for joy for a decade later. Its weird how the world works. I've stopped caring, and honestly love old cars for a million different reasons, and I really don't care that the majority of people I run across won't understand what a piece of shit old car means to me, but I've know a few folks that do get it, and feel the same way.

Connecting to the past, by going forward, is a weird and only human thing.

Anyway, if I ever have a kid, they'll probably have, be ashamed of, then hopefully love the picture that my father gave me. And maybe read some of the stuff I did. I dunno.

Growing up is weird,
Wesley

Game on!

Well, excuse the leave in posting, I got busy again. Despite my lady being in NYC and the Hamptons (yes, you can be jealous. Smart, cute, and affluent. Triple threat.) In the past few days I've been working, doing yard work, going to the doctor, and doing something I've not done in years. Playing Basketball. I really forgot how much fun playing games with friends was, I'm admittedly no athlete, but it was still a blast! I think this may be a weekly thing now, which will be great

The reason I went to the doctor is because of my high blood pressure. Makes sense. My diet is shit, and I'm a stress hound. Oh well.

Work has been weird the past week as the store manager was gone, but now that he is back, it should go back to normal (i.e. I don't catch shit from people that aren't my manager).

I spent saturday night cruising, which was rad. I really didn't plan on it, but I put about 100 miles on my car, just from cruising around Indy. Its an escape, but I'm an escapist. Hung out at a local cruise in spot with some people that normally don't go there, and had a weird conversation about my car. It was weird. But fun no less. Someone asked if I was trying to be a greaser (as if the Sk8-hi vans are greaser chic). My response was "Nope, just trying to be me." Fuck'em. If I'm trying to be anything, its Max Schaaf.

I've been spinning a bunch of garage rock lately, mostly because I'm trying to live a dream. It seems to be working.

Oh well, My lady comes back in a week, and as much as I like that she is experiencing a whole new world in NYC, I can not wait until she comes back. It will be a very good time. So many plans.

Oh well, Gonna go clean my room and read.

I really wanna start recording some music.

Go surfin',
Wesley

A day in the life...

Today I woke up at noon and got shmamered. Well, I did one of those things. I woke up, and started trying to find something to eat, and planning my day. I was going to clean my room, but that ended up not working, I'll probably wake up early to do that.

Later, I got to skype with this lovely lady, and her cuz. So I got to enjoy that, I skyped with her later (actually just ended as I type this). Talked about our days and stuff, but we also kinda talked about my blog a little bit, and she pointed out how depressed some of my older posts were. I need to talk with her about that, but there was a point in time where I started using this blog as a whipping post for what I felt inside. A way to convey emotion to empty space, but still convey it. Like screaming into a dark hallway, you don't know if anyone will hear you, but if someone does they can scream back. That is what this blog has become, and I was a pretty unhappy person as a whole, or at least I made myself unhappy. I could see it both ways, but regardless, I'm happy now and that is all that matters. Is it because of her? In a way yes, but I don't rely on her to be happy. does she make me happy, without question. I dunno, I'm growing up, and its hard sometimes, I just like to be able to mark how I feel electronically, so I can always remember the way I was. Embarrassing or not.

Anyway, I also got to hangout with some bros from high school that I never see, that became pretty good budz today. Went to the mall downtown to look at pants, and then chatted it up! Broing down saturday after I get off work, so that will be chill.

Oh well, I'm gonna go to bed.

See you soon Love (you know who you are),
Wesley

GB City - Bass Drum of Death

I found out about this band through a little known web portal that goes by the name of YouTube. I know, not many people use that, but I think it will catch on. I digress.

According to what I've read, and seen about this band, the name aspires from when the singer, John Barrett, would play guitar and simply use a bass drum. Similar to the likes of Bob Bleed, or King Khan and the BBQ show, very minimalist and primal. Very cool. Though, despite its greatness, very limiting. So, with the inclusion of a real drummer, they brought a record to the table. GB city. The song that I was opened up to this band was "Get Found" which I will link later. All in all, its a very good garage rock record, if you like Ty Segall, King Khan and the BBQ show, the Oblivians, Jay Reatard, the Smith Westerns, or even Wavves, you will really like this record.



Get found,
Wesley

Music returns tomorrow

Today it isn't about that.

Today is about keeping with my promise for daily blogging really.

I was having a conversation with a kid I work with, and generally thought we didn't really get along, and turns out the kid really likes working with me. Which, most people I work with enjoy being around me, and it is a good feeling to be accepted by people, regardless of your job or otherwise normal life.

I dunno, just weird.

I'm gonna detail two cars tomorrow, and maybe a motorbike, and call a good friend, and maybe try and hang out with some folks or set some plans up.


Sleepily,
Wesley

Feeling better!

Let me start, by thanking all of you that took the time to care about me when I was sick. It is because of YOU that I get to live the life that I do. I love you all.

Now, to get the record straight, I had a severe case of tonsillitis, and a severe sinus infection. I REALLY should have gotten my tonsils removed, but I didn't.

Anyway, so this post is sparked by something interesting in my life. My girlfriend (who I've been devoting my blog time to, because quite frankly she is more important to me than this self-important whining blog.), is leaving for an internship in New York. She will only be gone for a couple of weeks, but just not being able to see someone that you've become so close with for any length of time is rough. I'll never want a long distance relationship. Which brings me to the fact that she is going to go to school in Muncie, which is about an hour and a half away from me, but I will make that work. We will.

Anyway, so those of you that know me, thought I was going to go to IU last fall, and learn how to drink like a fish. Well, others know me for going to IUPUI and complaining constantly about it, and wanting to go to IU. Well, I just want to put it in public, that I'm really happy with the way last year turned out, because those constant failures are the DIRECT reason why my life is going so well right now. Had I gone to IU, maybe I would have been social and met a lot of people. Maybe. I know that going to IUPUI has made me create some good friendships, and fluked me into being able to date an amazing girl. I dunno, I'm glad I didn't go to bloomington. I'll never say never, it still would be a great opportunity, and I would LOVE to move out and go to school one day, but I'm really happy with my decisions. As of now, I've got two years to figure things out with my life and really decide what is going on. I'm excited.

Erin, even though I'll talk with you while you're having fun in New York, I'll still miss you.

People who don't know Erin, read her blog. HERE

I like the way she makes me feel, so you should support her like I try to.

Regardless, I'm in a good mood, gonna blog daily, and kick start the c^4 blog again. Production month starts tomorrow, sleep today.

I love you.

Always,
Wesley

To whom it may concern.

Which is at this point me.

Well, over the past week, ive progressively felt worse and worse. I'm pretty sure I know what is killing me though (90%). I can't talk, so I figured I'd atleast throw something up on here.

Its not so much the pain that gets to me (it fucking hurts though), its the fact that I can't eat, and swallowing is a mother fucker. I'm seeing an oral surgeon today to see what we can do until surgery, until then, I'm just gonna go with the flow. I feel great in the morning (besides the fact that I can't talk or eat), but eventually the pain comes back and it just kills.

I'm gonna try to go to my lady-friends graduation stuff, and im gonna try to go to a car show in kentucky. I doubt I'll be able to do either, and that is really whats frustrating. I get sick on the ONLY FUCKING IMPORTANT WEEK. Oh well, I hope to god I can get something from this surgeon. I want food.

Love always,
Wesley